Funny moment in the library

It was so funny because I'm sitting in the library (as usual) and I'm playing with my hair and this really nice looking black guy (older of course) comes and gets on the computer a couple of seats next to me. So I start playing with my hair because I knew he was looking at me and he walks past me and kind of whispers in my ear....

"You know you playing in your hair like that makes me want to do the same thing right?? I just want you to know that..."

LOL!!!! That was funny to me...

An Unproductive Day

So today has been pretty unproductive unfortunately. I've just been lounging around on Facebook, but not really having any meaningful conversations with anyone. But the one only decent thing I did was straightened my hair.

I just don't like being alone anymore. At one point in time, it was what I wanted, but someone came in my life and changed all of that. I enjoyed seeing them everyday and going to lunch and dinner, just watching tv, and taking care of business. It felt like a real relationship that grown people have, not just something high schoolers have.

But all of that is over and as much as I hate to admit it, it's taking it's effects on me.

Yesterday when all this mess was revealed to me, my whole mood changed and now I try to put on a proud face when I'm around people, but then when I'm alone, the truth comes out. I haven't even been working on my paper that's due on Monday. But as usual, I'll just procrastinate and finish it on Saturday and Sunday.

I don't even want to be bothered with anyone else right now, because I know how it feels to be treated like a Queen and anything less just won't due.

Get Over It

It's hard to say good-bye to someone you've spent quality time with.This morning I woke up knowing that from now on, things would be different from the life I've been living these past few months. I think that if I would have known it would end like this, I wouldn't have even been involved in it like I was. It's hard not to formulate feelings for someone you connect with instantly. I'm thinking of that song by Carl Thomas "I Wish I Never Met Her" but of course it's a him.... but yeah pretty much....

What about me??
I guess it's time to get over it huh??

Just thinking about my lack of cooking skills LOL

So I'm just sitting here in the library waiting for my Environmental class to start, listening to pandora, and texting.... as usual. Lately I've been thinking about what I will be doing in the next few days, months, and years.

Maybe I'll learn to cook or something....
yeah maybe not... haha!!!

No, but I really should though, huh? It's not like I'm having problems meeting guys because of that small issue, but I'm sure we would all be happier.

It Hurts, But I'm Grateful

It hurts when you have to say goodbye to someone you thought you loved.
It hurts to say goodbye to someone you thought was your friend.

It hurts when you find out the truth about them, when you knew all along, but you just ignored it from day one.
How can you continue to lie to someone for years?............

Maybe it was just me, being blind.

I never knew how I would react when the real truth came out. And I guess it had to be from someone close, to take the binds from my eyes.

I knew all along, but because I saw the potential in you, I looked past your mistakes and loved you for you. You always complained that no one was faithful and loyal to you, but I was. And you see I said "was", because I can no longer be a part of your life or your lies.

You hurt me, but I guess that's why God allowed what He allowed and why He sheltered my heart. It had to be open enough to love you, but sheltered in so that you could not hurt me and forever I will be grateful.

If God took you Away

God knows my heart, and he knows that if He took away a piece of it, how hard it would be to go on. I would have to question His motives of allowing me to meet someone, love them, and then take them away from me.

God has a way of doing things that we don't understand.
He gives us people and things just as loans, that one day must be given back to Him. Sometimes we become attached to things and forget that they are not ours for the keeping.

God knows the reasons he placed certain things and people in our lives and when their purpose has been completed, it is time to let them go.

So I guess God had to take you away in the way that He did, because your purpose was complete. No, you are no angel, but you taught me what I needed to know when I needed to know it. You were there, when I needed you, and now your time has come to an end.

Recent thoughts on my life

I think I understand why some things are working out the way they are. I often used to ponder the thought of why I was still single and not with the person my heart longed to be with.

For a while I couldn't write how I felt because all of the thoughts in my mind were all scrambled and confusing. So I waited. I waited until the storm had passed and the confusion was gone. I've learned to just live day by day, and my days seem to just follow in pursuit of the other, with the same route, same conversations, same emotions. But I want some excitement, something that will challenge me outside of my school work.

I once met a person, that I loved immediately, but I could tell something was keeping us away from each other and it wasn't something that either of us were doing, it seemed to be of a higher power. I never understood what it meant to pray for someone who didn't treat you the way you thought you should, until I met them. I prayed that God would heal them: emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. Have you ever met someone who you knew weren't reaching their full potential because they had released a hurt? It was that type of situation. My heart ached for them when they were in pain and I cried for them when they were sad, and I rejoiced with them when they were happy.

When you meet someone that you instantly have a connection with, how do you keep that fire burning?

I tried so hard to, on my own, but as you know, it takes two.

I heard something not too long ago that stuck with me, and it was that if you don't already have something then it may not be for you to have or that God hasn't prepared you for it yet. And I'm thinking, it was only a friendship that was meant to help me in my time of seclusion.

I'm also learning that sometimes it's best to just let some things go and walk away from the situation, and God will bless you with something much greater than before. God knows what He has in store for us, and so we must trust Him and know He wants the best for us.

It's Over

I tried, but I'm tired.
I'm tired of going back and forth and no progression is taking place.
You don't appreciate me, you make me feel like I am beneath you.
I try to reach out to you and learn everything I can about you so that you're happy, but you obviously can't see my efforts.
Why would I continue to waste my time on someone who doesn't respect me, love me, or geniunely care about me?
I thought things would get better, but no, they have gotten intensely worse.
And now it's over.

Just Like the Others

It's funny how one day you can feel a certain way about a person and then the next feel the complete opposite. I thought I had a true friend in you, you let me down just like the others. I'm not surprised because in the back of my mind I always knew. You had your motives just like the others. As long as you were getting what you wanted out of the friendship, you were happy, but as soon as something went wrong on my part, you were ready to call it quits, just like the others.

And you piss me off so much, I can't believe I actually thought you would be different. I made myself available to you and I shared things with you I never told anyone, but then you turn around and just used me for your own benefits.

I thought you weren't like the others, but I obviously was wrong.

Going through the motions....

It's been a long time since I have written a new entry and so much has happened since since then. I am now a single woman, doing what I think I want to do.

I'm trying so hard to make up my mind about a certain issue. Do I or do I not? What is it that I really want? What am I afraid of? Full time, part time, or nothing at all??? Never speak, acquaintance, friendship, or more?? Keep playing the games or get real with myself and everyone else? Although I've been upfront from... day one, these internal feelings are coming to the surface........ Questions only I must answer.

My past feelings are returning to me; those feelings that should not be there. Those emotions that I thought I had completely repressed are resurfacing, but I'm not ready to deal with them right now. What is it that I am to do? When all you do is just go through the motions...