Just Like the Others

It's funny how one day you can feel a certain way about a person and then the next feel the complete opposite. I thought I had a true friend in you, you let me down just like the others. I'm not surprised because in the back of my mind I always knew. You had your motives just like the others. As long as you were getting what you wanted out of the friendship, you were happy, but as soon as something went wrong on my part, you were ready to call it quits, just like the others.

And you piss me off so much, I can't believe I actually thought you would be different. I made myself available to you and I shared things with you I never told anyone, but then you turn around and just used me for your own benefits.

I thought you weren't like the others, but I obviously was wrong.

Going through the motions....

It's been a long time since I have written a new entry and so much has happened since since then. I am now a single woman, doing what I think I want to do.

I'm trying so hard to make up my mind about a certain issue. Do I or do I not? What is it that I really want? What am I afraid of? Full time, part time, or nothing at all??? Never speak, acquaintance, friendship, or more?? Keep playing the games or get real with myself and everyone else? Although I've been upfront from... day one, these internal feelings are coming to the surface........ Questions only I must answer.

My past feelings are returning to me; those feelings that should not be there. Those emotions that I thought I had completely repressed are resurfacing, but I'm not ready to deal with them right now. What is it that I am to do? When all you do is just go through the motions...