We Live and We Learn

So today I really remembered that no one is perfect. We all have messed up in one way or another and we all have our flaws.

In the past few days, a few people, specifically men, that I USED to associate with have come to me with the desire to rekindle our friendship. At first I was happy to hear from them until the conversation progressed and I remembered why we ceased all communication. They would apologize, saying they were just going through a phase in their life and didn't know what they really wanted at the time. I understand all that, but it still left me with a bad taste in my mouth of them.

I had time to get over them and then months and sometimes even years later they come back, not realizing that their chance of having me in their life is completely over.

You can't meet someone and when they start to trust you and form feelings for you, just up and decide you have other things in life to deal with that doesn't concern them. You either need to incorporate me into your life or just completely leave me alone. So now unfortunately, it's left me to tread lightly with everyone I come in contact with.

We live and we learn.

Going through the motions....

It's been a long time since I have written a new entry and so much has happened since since then. I am now a single woman, doing what I think I want to do.

I'm trying so hard to make up my mind about a certain issue. Do I or do I not? What is it that I really want? What am I afraid of? Full time, part time, or nothing at all??? Never speak, acquaintance, friendship, or more?? Keep playing the games or get real with myself and everyone else? Although I've been upfront from... day one, these internal feelings are coming to the surface........ Questions only I must answer.

My past feelings are returning to me; those feelings that should not be there. Those emotions that I thought I had completely repressed are resurfacing, but I'm not ready to deal with them right now. What is it that I am to do? When all you do is just go through the motions...

Thoughts Running in My Mind at the moment.

I'm angry. I'm frustrated. I'm disappointed.

I give you a chance, to show me you are worth my time, and you let me down.
You weren't there when I needed you and I don't feel like I can trust you.

You are a complete stranger to me and I think you always will be.

I'm not really in one of those laughing or smiling moods. I don't feel like there's anything to smile about.

I feel like you lie to me every time we talk and I think that's the reason I don't allow myself to feel anything for you.


You know when you meet someone and realize after you have invested time into them, that they weren't worth the time you spent?
Yeah well that's pretty much how I feel at the present moment.

My life has completely changed since I met you,and I can't say for the better unfortunately.

To be in a relationship or even a friendship for that matter, there has to be open and honest communication. They moment you start lying, is the moment there is a breach in our friendship/relationship.

You can't lie to me and just expect for when I expose your lie and you say I'm sorry that the effects of you lying goes away. Trust has been broken and it will be a challenge for you to earn it back.

My suggestion is to tell the truth at all costs, even if you think it will hurt the person's feelings, because if they find out that you have been lying to them the whole time, that will hurt them even more.

There's a problem when you're in a relationship with someone and they're not the person you initially go to when you have an issue.

-I feel someone else is better at being sensitive to my wants/needs
-You have a lack of sincere concern
-You have selective hearing
-You only care about something if it will directly affect your status.

. . . . . . .

There's this feeling on the inside of me. It's a mixture of hurt, anger, and nervousness. It's like a well of tears forming inside my heart, just waiting to burst from my eyes, and stream down my cheeks. I don't know why I feel this way, but I can't smile. I don't want to talk because I can't explain this feeling.