Thoughts Running in My Mind at the moment.

I'm angry. I'm frustrated. I'm disappointed.

I give you a chance, to show me you are worth my time, and you let me down.
You weren't there when I needed you and I don't feel like I can trust you.

You are a complete stranger to me and I think you always will be.

I'm not really in one of those laughing or smiling moods. I don't feel like there's anything to smile about.

I feel like you lie to me every time we talk and I think that's the reason I don't allow myself to feel anything for you.


You know when you meet someone and realize after you have invested time into them, that they weren't worth the time you spent?
Yeah well that's pretty much how I feel at the present moment.

My life has completely changed since I met you,and I can't say for the better unfortunately.

To be in a relationship or even a friendship for that matter, there has to be open and honest communication. They moment you start lying, is the moment there is a breach in our friendship/relationship.

You can't lie to me and just expect for when I expose your lie and you say I'm sorry that the effects of you lying goes away. Trust has been broken and it will be a challenge for you to earn it back.

My suggestion is to tell the truth at all costs, even if you think it will hurt the person's feelings, because if they find out that you have been lying to them the whole time, that will hurt them even more.

There's a problem when you're in a relationship with someone and they're not the person you initially go to when you have an issue.

-I feel someone else is better at being sensitive to my wants/needs
-You have a lack of sincere concern
-You have selective hearing
-You only care about something if it will directly affect your status.

. . . . . . .

There's this feeling on the inside of me. It's a mixture of hurt, anger, and nervousness. It's like a well of tears forming inside my heart, just waiting to burst from my eyes, and stream down my cheeks. I don't know why I feel this way, but I can't smile. I don't want to talk because I can't explain this feeling.

Your Many Identities.....

I am intrigued on the number of identities you operate under. If you have lied about who are, why should I believe you haven't lied about other things. Who am I to believe?? You? I think not, the more I think about it, the more things that you have said to me have seemed like all lies. I have experienced people lying to me. Lying about their sexual orientation, lying about their past, and now you, lying about your identity.
I have done nothing but try to be open and honest with you concerning everything, but yet I feel there are so many secrets between us.

You kept your secrets hidden from me, afraid I would judge you. You were afraid of being open with me, afraid I would end all communication. But what you didn't understand is that through your lies, I saw a man that I could relate to. It wasn't your lies that attracted me to you, it was when you were vulnerable that I was drawn to you.

Way of Escape

I am thankful for that way of escape, for without it, there would be absolutely no way for me to make it out without any scrapes or bruises. Sometimes we put ourselves in certain predicaments, where we know we are walking on thin ice and trying our strength in the face of temptation.

You have to be prepared for whatever your weakness is at all times. Never allow your guard to be down, because if you get caught in that trap, it might be too late to turn around.

There are signs though that come to us when we know there is danger ahead. Just like when you're driving and there's a bridge out ahead, there will plenty of signs telling you to stop and turn around, or else you will run out of road and crash and die. You see all the orange signs that say the bridge is closed, but yet you still continue driving, thinking you can make it to your destination, despite this mishap. Maybe you're thinking you have magicial powers and with your car, you can fly over the bridge....
Well unfortunately, you will see that it is not possible, but by that time you are stuck and have no way of getting out.

But if you would just listened to the signs before you, instead of just passing them by.

God has provided us caution signs, that allows us to escape, to turn around, and get back to safety, before we make a fatal decision. You have the decision, which will you choose??.......The way of escape or the same route that only gets you no more???

I Need a Love

I need a love that will stand the test of time. A love that will last through the thousands of miles between us, through the lies & rumors, through the make-ups & break-ups, through the denials, and through the "I can't do this anymore's" I need a love that will love even after I tell you all about the garbage of my past. Is it possible? Does it exist??
I know I may be asking for the impossible, but I have that much faith that I believe it will come.

I told someone of all the past guys I used to talk to, and luckily, they are still my friend. It takes someone who truly loves you to stick around after you dump a pile of trash on them. Don't get me wrong, of course I had to help pick it all up and redeem myself.

As a young lady who has made the decision to be kept through the power of God, a decision had to be made that I wasn't going to just accept anything and everything that made its way up to me. You have to ask the right questions to get the answers you're looking for, because if not, you will just get a lot of mambo jumbo.

There is someone that says they love me, but what does that mean?
Can you love someone even when you don't REALLY know them?

Maybe you just love the thought of them. I hate to hear someone say "you're my wife", but yet you have absolutely no clue of who I am, nor how I am.

I would definitely say that in the least I am a handful, maybe 2, so you're not ready for a rollercoaster, you might want to stay clear of me, because once you enter into this den, you won't want to get out. You may think you do, but in reality, you won't.

I need a love that will love me as strong as I love it. A love that will protect me at all cost. And maybe even a love that will fight to keep me....

So again I ask, is this possible to achieve or am I just wishful thinking???

Since I've Been in This

So being in this new relationship, I must say, it has definitely been somewhat of a struggle. I had some other people in my mind and heart that I was keeping for a back-up plan or a just in case. But I was finally able to release those people. I refuse to settle for someone who I may just have a good friendship with, but no real love connection.

I am at a place in my life where I know who I am and I will not settle for anything less than what I deserve. Everyone deserves to be with someone that loves them and someone they love back. There has to be that desire to forsake all others for the one you're with. If someone else is consistently catching your eye, then you may not be with the right person or you may not be ready for that level of commitment.

I must say though I had many distractions coming in from all angles when I first started in this relationship, but I had to make up in my mind since I had made the decision to committ to this person, there must have been something extraordinary about him, so I must give him that respect. When you make up your mind that you will give your time to the one you're with, everyone else will see where your head is at and back up. Trust me.

That Dude

I haven't written in a while, but so much has happened.
A few months ago I was introduced to a man. This man was the person who I never thought in a million years I would fall for, but the inevitable happened, I fought and he fought back harder. Not with fists or with harsh words, but with love and tender kindness. He has been the only one to prove to me through the distance and miles, that he was that dude. LOL!
That dude to make me change the way I felt about love.
He came in and proved every idea I had about long distance relationships to be right in the beginning, but then when I was ready to give in to the pressure, he pushed even harder to win me over.
I sometimes question it, because I often ask myself, how can you fall for a complete stranger, but I cracked opened my heart just a little, and the next thing I know, he has busted it wide open.I hope this was the route God had planned for me to take. But I'm sure it is, because I ask Him at the beginning if this wasn't His will, to end it before my heart got into it and well.... I'm deep deep down into it and all I want to do is get deeper.
I love that dude, he's pretty great!!