The Last Conversation

Well I guess I just had the last conversation I will ever have with the one I was so confused about.
What we always want is to be with someone who actually likes talking to us, but there always seemed to be tension in his voice and now there will never have to be tension between us anymore, because I no longer desire to be a part of his life in any capacity.
It feels great knowing that I possess the power to be free.

We Live and We Learn

So today I really remembered that no one is perfect. We all have messed up in one way or another and we all have our flaws.

In the past few days, a few people, specifically men, that I USED to associate with have come to me with the desire to rekindle our friendship. At first I was happy to hear from them until the conversation progressed and I remembered why we ceased all communication. They would apologize, saying they were just going through a phase in their life and didn't know what they really wanted at the time. I understand all that, but it still left me with a bad taste in my mouth of them.

I had time to get over them and then months and sometimes even years later they come back, not realizing that their chance of having me in their life is completely over.

You can't meet someone and when they start to trust you and form feelings for you, just up and decide you have other things in life to deal with that doesn't concern them. You either need to incorporate me into your life or just completely leave me alone. So now unfortunately, it's left me to tread lightly with everyone I come in contact with.

We live and we learn.

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH

Ok I'm angry....
I don't know exactly what I'm angry about, but I'm angry.
I try not to take it out on anyone specifically, but it happens.

I'm so angry and more so disappointed in the men I meet and come in contact with. They let me down and then expect for me to just get over when they apologize and own up to the fact that they made a mistake.

Well unfortunately, it doesn't happen that way.

Now that I'm gone and no longer dealing with you, you decide you want me back and come back talking all that good game that is full of hot breath, trying to persuade me to forgive your sorry excuse for a man.

NO!!
I won't go through that mess anymore.
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things

BIG EARRINGS!!!





IT'S JUST BEAUTIFUL....



EYESHADOW


THE MOVIE BROWN SUGAR


THE COLOR BURNT ORANGE



TAZ



NAIL POLISH



CHICKEN STRIPS AND HONEY MUSTARD!!! YUMMY!!



LIPGLOSS!!


CANDY!!!!

Total Confusion

So for last few weeks, there has been someone on my mind that I've been having very mixed emotions about. One moment I want to spend the rest of my life with him, and then in the next I want to just remove all communication between the two of us. I'm used to a certain level of pursuit from the guy I'm talking to, and his level is incredibly lower than I'm used to. He keeps me intrigued about him and I just can't loose him.
This is the big kicker, but not a surprise if you know anything about me

........ we haven't seen each other in person.......

Big surprise I know. You're probably thinking, well how can she like this guy so much when she hasn't even met him. Well I get to know the person and just hope and pray they're not full of lies. It's not like I don't have any clue of what he looks like. Trust me, the brother is FINE.

But we have been arguing for like 2 weeks now, so at this point, I'm tired of it, and ready to call it quits, but then right when I make up my mind to walk completely away, he says something that just captures me all over again.

I really want to be with him, but there is just that something that's keeping me at bay. He has no idea of who I am and what I want, because I feel as though I'm still changing and morphing into the woman God is creating me to be.

He has expressed what he wants and in the beginning when he made those things known, I was fine with them, but I was also thinking, those things would be accomplished in the future, not necessarily something I needed to take in at that very moment.

I don't know what to do and I wish I could just see him and know exactly what choice I should make, but until then, I guess I'll be going in circles.

Just Life I Guess.....

I'm not interested in being a Plan B for anyone. I want to be the one and only.
I want the fairy tale, although I know it probably won't happen, I at least want someone to try to make my dreams come true.

I'm a good woman and I deserve a good man. Someone who only has eyes for me. Someone who will take it slow and wait until I'm ready.

OMG....
As I have been sitting here thinking and watching Lifetime movies, I think I've had an epiphany. I can't stop thinking about him when we're not talking.....
But then I sometimes have to question myself and ask who is HIM? Which brings me right back to where I started.... in a total state of confusion.

Right when I think I have everything figured out, another issue comes up.

Are things supposed to be this challenging?
Am I supposed to question myself?

I thought when this time came around I would just know.... but I don't.

Maybe I'm not ready......

Happiness

We all want happiness. We want someone who will understand us and be that confidant when we need them. We want someone who understands our corny jokes and someone who can finish our sentences. Someone we can grow with.

Someone who can't live without us, and we can't live without them.

Until we meet that person, there's no reason for being with someone who can live without us and be just fine. I want someone who can't wait to see me when they get off work or can't wait until they have a free moment just to hear my voice on the phone.

I want someone who wants to spend the rest of their life with me. I want someone who wants to have a family with me, someone who will work hard to provide for their family.

Someone to be happy with.

Looking for Something

I woke up looking for something, but never found it, and I don't know if I ever will.


I've met people who spoke a good game, but never backed it up with their actions.
Maybe this is the exception, maybe not, but I don't want to walk away, because that's what he's expecting. But do I put my heart in limbo, waiting for things to get better?

I don't know what to do sometimes in this situation. It's so different than the others.
I just want to take it slow, so that my heart isn't shattered.

I want to give my all, but I don't know if that will be enough.
But what if I do give my all and get nothing in return.
But what if I'm the one making the sacrifices and the changing, and they remain the same?

I don't know, hopefully the situation will be cleared up soon.
Just waiting for the leadership by God.