This Morning....

This Morning....

This morning I rode my Waffle House and I saw a man and a woman embracing. They stood there holding each other what seemed to be like forever. It seemed to be like a hug that was to say goodbye to the love of your life because he belonged to another, or to say hello to that long lost love that your forgot about.

This Morning....

This morning I ended it all. I ended something I was in denial about. Something that I tried to hang on to for my own selfish needs and desires. I ended something I was tired of dealing with, tired of lying about, tired of being the "other".

This morning.....

This morning I realized I was back at the place I started.

Something Happened

She missed waking up to those Good Morning messages....
When it was all so sweet and nothing that he could do would upset her.
When he would pick her up for lunch and they would just enjoy each other's company.....

Something happened that changed all that....

One day he stopped looking at her the way he used to, with that little smirk and the tap of his left foot, like a dog wagging his tail when he knows he's about to get fed.

He wouldn't touch her the way he used to. He used to lightly tread upon the side of cheek and run his fingers through her hair. He wouldn't put his arm around her when they were sitting close.

Something happened that changed all that....

One day she realized what that something was...

It wasn't him, it was her.

When she took the time to evaluate herself, she realized she was in love with another man...........

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To be continued

EXPOSED....

The movie "For Colored Girls" struck a nerve with me. I knew this girl who was pretty much in the same situation the character of Janet Jackson was in. She met this man, who was so fine and so perfect...so she thought. They had a connection when they first met and she grew to love him. But then years later, the friendship began to have holes in it. He wouldn't call or text the way he used to. And then one day, someone close to her revealed something about her friend, she knew in the back of her mind it could happen, but wishing it never would.


To her "FRIEND"

Well if you haven't caught on by now, she no longer has a desire to be friends with you. She doesn't want to be in any form of communication with you, therefore your Facebook friendship has been deleted, and your number has been deleted from her phone.

She doesn't want someone around her, calling themselves her "friend", when they are just using her for her skills and just to get close to someone around her.

She lost all respect for you when your DIRTY LITTLE SECRET was exposed. You are a liar and man on the DOWN LOW.... For you to have the nerve to try and use her as your escape route, that was just low. You didn't think about the after effects of the situation. You never thought about, well maybe she might just fall in love with me. No, because all you want, is satisfaction.

Do you know how it feels to hear about a man you thought you knew...???
You hear that they're trying to get with another MAN!!!

No, you have no clue, because are heartless and she is a woman who deserves nothing but the best, and that just isn't YOU!

Funny moment in the library

It was so funny because I'm sitting in the library (as usual) and I'm playing with my hair and this really nice looking black guy (older of course) comes and gets on the computer a couple of seats next to me. So I start playing with my hair because I knew he was looking at me and he walks past me and kind of whispers in my ear....

"You know you playing in your hair like that makes me want to do the same thing right?? I just want you to know that..."

LOL!!!! That was funny to me...

An Unproductive Day

So today has been pretty unproductive unfortunately. I've just been lounging around on Facebook, but not really having any meaningful conversations with anyone. But the one only decent thing I did was straightened my hair.

I just don't like being alone anymore. At one point in time, it was what I wanted, but someone came in my life and changed all of that. I enjoyed seeing them everyday and going to lunch and dinner, just watching tv, and taking care of business. It felt like a real relationship that grown people have, not just something high schoolers have.

But all of that is over and as much as I hate to admit it, it's taking it's effects on me.

Yesterday when all this mess was revealed to me, my whole mood changed and now I try to put on a proud face when I'm around people, but then when I'm alone, the truth comes out. I haven't even been working on my paper that's due on Monday. But as usual, I'll just procrastinate and finish it on Saturday and Sunday.

I don't even want to be bothered with anyone else right now, because I know how it feels to be treated like a Queen and anything less just won't due.

Get Over It

It's hard to say good-bye to someone you've spent quality time with.This morning I woke up knowing that from now on, things would be different from the life I've been living these past few months. I think that if I would have known it would end like this, I wouldn't have even been involved in it like I was. It's hard not to formulate feelings for someone you connect with instantly. I'm thinking of that song by Carl Thomas "I Wish I Never Met Her" but of course it's a him.... but yeah pretty much....

What about me??
I guess it's time to get over it huh??

Just thinking about my lack of cooking skills LOL

So I'm just sitting here in the library waiting for my Environmental class to start, listening to pandora, and texting.... as usual. Lately I've been thinking about what I will be doing in the next few days, months, and years.

Maybe I'll learn to cook or something....
yeah maybe not... haha!!!

No, but I really should though, huh? It's not like I'm having problems meeting guys because of that small issue, but I'm sure we would all be happier.

It Hurts, But I'm Grateful

It hurts when you have to say goodbye to someone you thought you loved.
It hurts to say goodbye to someone you thought was your friend.

It hurts when you find out the truth about them, when you knew all along, but you just ignored it from day one.
How can you continue to lie to someone for years?............

Maybe it was just me, being blind.

I never knew how I would react when the real truth came out. And I guess it had to be from someone close, to take the binds from my eyes.

I knew all along, but because I saw the potential in you, I looked past your mistakes and loved you for you. You always complained that no one was faithful and loyal to you, but I was. And you see I said "was", because I can no longer be a part of your life or your lies.

You hurt me, but I guess that's why God allowed what He allowed and why He sheltered my heart. It had to be open enough to love you, but sheltered in so that you could not hurt me and forever I will be grateful.

If God took you Away

God knows my heart, and he knows that if He took away a piece of it, how hard it would be to go on. I would have to question His motives of allowing me to meet someone, love them, and then take them away from me.

God has a way of doing things that we don't understand.
He gives us people and things just as loans, that one day must be given back to Him. Sometimes we become attached to things and forget that they are not ours for the keeping.

God knows the reasons he placed certain things and people in our lives and when their purpose has been completed, it is time to let them go.

So I guess God had to take you away in the way that He did, because your purpose was complete. No, you are no angel, but you taught me what I needed to know when I needed to know it. You were there, when I needed you, and now your time has come to an end.

Recent thoughts on my life

I think I understand why some things are working out the way they are. I often used to ponder the thought of why I was still single and not with the person my heart longed to be with.

For a while I couldn't write how I felt because all of the thoughts in my mind were all scrambled and confusing. So I waited. I waited until the storm had passed and the confusion was gone. I've learned to just live day by day, and my days seem to just follow in pursuit of the other, with the same route, same conversations, same emotions. But I want some excitement, something that will challenge me outside of my school work.

I once met a person, that I loved immediately, but I could tell something was keeping us away from each other and it wasn't something that either of us were doing, it seemed to be of a higher power. I never understood what it meant to pray for someone who didn't treat you the way you thought you should, until I met them. I prayed that God would heal them: emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. Have you ever met someone who you knew weren't reaching their full potential because they had released a hurt? It was that type of situation. My heart ached for them when they were in pain and I cried for them when they were sad, and I rejoiced with them when they were happy.

When you meet someone that you instantly have a connection with, how do you keep that fire burning?

I tried so hard to, on my own, but as you know, it takes two.

I heard something not too long ago that stuck with me, and it was that if you don't already have something then it may not be for you to have or that God hasn't prepared you for it yet. And I'm thinking, it was only a friendship that was meant to help me in my time of seclusion.

I'm also learning that sometimes it's best to just let some things go and walk away from the situation, and God will bless you with something much greater than before. God knows what He has in store for us, and so we must trust Him and know He wants the best for us.