Emotional Rollercoaster

Sometimes we pour our hearts to the people we think we love, but when that person doesn't reciprocate those same feelings we get hurt. We began to shut down and we stop allowing people into our hearts. We stop allowing people into our comfort zones, because once that happens feelings get involved. And once feelings are involved, life immediately turns into an emotional rollercoaster. A rollercoaster that has its highs and lows and when we hit rock bottom, we want to get off and stay off. Once the rollercoaster is done we vow that we will never put ourselves through that again, but of course we just keep getting back on for more. We know that it makes us have terrible butterflies, makes us sick to our stomach, and makes us want to cry, but we just can't seem to get off and stay off. But what is it about this emotional rollercoaster that draws us? It's the way we feel at its peak. When all we can do is smile from ear to ear and think about how that feeling will always beat the feeling when we are on the floor balling our eyes out. We remember the glow we have while we are riding this emotional rollercoaster.

So the real question is:
Am I ready to move on with life?
- with someone else
- with another purpose
- in another direction
- with a partial heart that beats for another
- with a mind that is constantly on someone else
- with a mind filled with memories of the time when there was an "us"
- with eyes that only lit up for him
- with a stomach that gets butterflies when he walks in the room

Am I ready??

It doesn't seem like it and I feel like as long as I continue to think this way, I will never move on from this.
So many people have come into my life to change the precedents laid but because they are semented to my heart they are unmoveable.

Ms. Wright

So I'm over here thinking right...

And I'm just so amazed at how other people think and perceive me. All they see is this translucent mask I have protecting my inner surface, helping me to conceal my true identity. I try to have a sweet disposition about things but I don't want anyone to take my kindness out of proportion.
When we experience things we learn from them and sometimes they change us or even break us. Sometimes for better or sometimes for worse. I have been transformed from the inside out, which alters my train of thought and the decisions I make. Sometimes the modifications that we make of ourselves, people in our past may choose not to accept. They can only see what they used to know. But when we undertake a new identity, we put off those old ways, assume responsibilty, and shift into completing our purpose in life.

Sincerely,
Ms. Wright

A Change

Don't you get tired of experiencing the same thing all the time. I have definitely gotten to that point. I'm tired of writing about it over and over again and nothing seems to be changing but me. There is this continuous cycle that I seem to put myself in. The cycle of feeling all fussing inside, then to being upset, then hurt, then something is said to take that hurt away momentarily, and then I back to feeling all the "like" inside. But the hurt never really goes away, there is just a cover thrown over it to make me think it's gone, but in reality I know the truth.

When will things change??
I believe a change will be good in this instant.
A change that someone will be constant in my life and not in and out whenever he thinks he wants to.
A change that he will work just as hard as me, if not harder to ensure our happiness.
A change that I can be guaranteed an honest and open relationship that we can discuss anything and everything.
A change that both have the opportunity to learn from each other.

A change.....a change

Will it ever come???


Willing to wait,
Ms. Wright

My "Friends"

The time has come to say goodbye to two lovely ladies.
To say goodbye to my "friends".
Friends that have grown with me through the years.
Friends that were apart of me as I was apart of them.
Friends that without, I will no longer be apart of the general board of the committee, maybe not even a member.
They started so small and look at how big they have gotten.

Unfortunately they have not been on their best behavior.
They have caused me so much pain, aches, stress, and discomfort.
But I can say I had fun with these two.
They helped fill out many dresses and shirts.
They loved to jump out and say hello whenever they were allowed.
They loved to be free and not constrained.
They received all the attention when we were out, but they never let anyone get too close.
They served as many people's cushions to lay their heads to rest.
I will miss these two ladies along with others, because they were my friends.
Friends that were apart of me as I was apart of them.


With Love I have LOVED them,
Ms. Wright

My Prayer

Lord I need you.

You ask what am I in need of?

Someone that is in love with God.
Someone that is saved, sanctified, holyghost filled, and fire baptized.
Someone who will go to church with me and drag me to the altar when he knows I'm going through.
Someone who will dance/shout with me when there is no music playing in the background.
Someone who has God on speed dial and can reach Him in the whee hours of the morning.
Someone who will lay on their face with me as I pray and get my deliverance.
Someone who can pray for me when I can't pray for myself.
Someone who can teach me the word and help me have a clear understanding of it.

Someone who can inspire me when I need some encouragement.
Someone that will love me unconditionally.
Someone who can make me laugh when I am so upset and feel like crying.
Someone who will be there when I need and want him.
Someone who will adore me even when I'm in one of my moods.
Someone who can and will respect the fact that sometimes I need some space and some "me" time.
Someone that will understand that it was just me and God before he came along and I am still learning to incorporate him in my life.

Someone who won't mind me putting my feet all over him and can appreciate my toes and their longness.
Someone who pushes me outside of my comfort zone but still makes me feel comfortable.
Someone who can read me when I don't say a word.
Someone who can sing the high notes of my song "Great is Thy Faithfulness".
Someone that even though he knows I have a million tubes of lipgloss, just one more every so often can't hurt.
Someone that I can have a wonderful conversation with just by looking into his eyes.
Someone that when I feel like acting like a baby he will treat me like one and let me have my way.


Lord you know there is much more but I think I will stop at this for now....


In JESUS NAME, Amen

That Situation

I learned from that particular situation. I was hurt and I gave my heart to someone who at the time wasn't ready to take care of it. I learned after that situation had been put on a unknown amount of pause, not to put my all into situations with people because in the end you will get hurt. This may not be true, but I only know what I've experienced. I can say that yes I may have been a little selfish at times, but for the most part I made sure you were happy. Whatever was needed to be done I did it just because I loved you that much. I thought that I should help you in your endeavors to move on from your past, so I thought to do that I should get out of the picture as well, because I didn't want to be a distraction for you.
You said you don't want to give up on trying to make this work, but I don't see you making any progress or even making any steps to make things right.

Why is it that when it's time to have a serious talk about our situation you just defer my advances and act as if nothing even happened to put a bridge between us. If we just continue to ignore it, it will never be resolved and I will never be truly happy. So make up your mind because I will not always be here despite what you may think.

Me Just Letting it Out

So many people ask me why am I so quiet, but I'm really not that quiet, if you really know me. It is a known fact that no, I don't open up to many people and few will ever see my true essence. I have never felt a need to follow the crowd or make my presence known. If you never notice me, I will be just fine. My quietness has kept my name out of many people's mouths, so I'm not complaining.

I'm tired of people's dishonesty, disloyalty, instability and their drama.
I'm tired of people who think they can just tell me what they think I should know and not the whole truth.
I'm tired of people who think they really know me, but have absolutely no idea.
I'm tired of going through this continuous cycle with this one person who doesn't know what he wants, but when I try to talk about things, he doesn't want to talk.
I'm of having to be patient when I have waited long enough.

But with that said I am happy about some things too!

I love that in spite of people that cause me stress and get on my nerves, I can't seem to live without them too long.
I love that in spite of the fact some people make communicating hard for me, I still want to continue trying harder each day.
I love that no matter what I try to do to stop loving you, I CAN'T!
I love that people are so predictable.