My Mistake

There seems to be no way out for you and I, and it seems to be the story of our lives.
I know I should be happy, but I have a feeling that this thing is just not right.
What you do see when you look me in the eyes, please don't begin telling me lies.

Don't tell me all about the lies you told
And about how you had such low self-control.
Don't tell me about how everything was my fault.

I know we were a mistake, but a mistake we thought was worth repeating.
We kept getting caught up into each others' trap, but never really fighting to get out.
You had your issues and so did I, but not once did that ever stop us from continuing.
Guilt begin to overtake me and I begin to back away, but once loneliness begin to creep up on me again, you came to mind.

I know you were my mistake and now I must forget you.
I couldn't fall in love with you, because I loved another.
You were just there momentarily, but he will here for eternity.

My Side of the Story

This is my side of the story. I am going to tell you what really happened from the beginning to the end.

I saw him sitting there, looking a little rough. I wasn't really paying him any attention because he was not the one I had my eye on. It was going around that I was married, but of course no one was brave enough to approach me about it. The entire time I felt some one's eyes on me and in the end, who would have known, I would have looked into those eyes to find a bitter soul. A soul I was only supposed to guide out of brokenness, not fall in love with. But it was throughout this journey with him that that soul drifted away farther and farther away. Into an abyss of corruption, forever disconnecting any type of relationship we could have ever had.

At first it was fun and exciting, but I did not realize until it was over, all the people that stood in place, trying to warn me not to get too attached. I was blamed in the end, but that is fine, as long as he knew he would have never found someone like me again. I now know, he and I were not meant for each other. He wanted everyone in the rooms attention, whereas if you wanted mine, you would have to earn it. I guess reality never completely hit home for him and even if it did, he would probably never admit it.

I have seen him around and the chemistry we once had has vanished away because he has been tainted more now than then. When I looked at him I did not see any of the anointing that once resided with him. Please know that I cared for him and I would have done almost anything for him, but when you take that for granted, situations usually end up where you do not want them.

My heart was broken after that experience, but with time I have healed and I am more stronger and more resilient. My trust was broken and even to this day, I have learned not to trust so easily. I am glad I only shared my untangibles with him, because life would have been completely different otherwise.

These days I refuse to waste time on people who cannot make time for me and neither should anyone else. If you choose to make that type of connection with a young lady, do not lie to her and do not secretly do things that if brought to light could ultimately crush her. Because one thing is for sure, you will reap what you sow. Maybe not tomorrow, next week, next month, or even next year, but you better know one day you will.

So this is my side of the story and although I still kept it very vague and I kept some things out, the point is to learn from past mistakes and do not allow yourself to be put in a situation where you're not being treated as well as you should. Because if you allow someone to treat like dirt, they probably will. Yes I have high expections, and those expectations are not met, trust me I will dismiss any chance forthere to be anything but a friendship/association.

Don't Know What to Do.....

I feel you knocking on the door of my heart, but I don't know how to let you in.
I want to welcome you in, but something keeps stopping me.
Is is my past? Maybe, but what are you going to do?
Would you break down the door and break in through a window, or would you just forget about it and walk away?

I feel as if I have missed some great opportunities because of this fear I continue to harbor in my heart.

I don't want to go back to the people that used to be stand-ins.
Someone that used to just occupy my time until someone interesting came along.
I want something real, something that I'm not afraid to run and tell the world about.
Life is hard when you have trust issues, and when I thought I had gotten over it, I was proven wrong.

I attempt to walk daily in confidence, but sometimes things get the worst of me.
I have really been able to open up to one person, but that person could not even be with me, but for unknown reasons, the feelings and emotions were mutual between us.

Why do I always seem to meet unavailable people?

I Am Ready....

I wish you were here for me to look into your eyes and see that look I have been dieing to see. I want to see the inner beauty and understanding that lies in your eyes.
If only you were here so that I could give you that sweet smile, and that unspoken invite.
That unspoken invite that whispers come and sweep me off my feet.
That sweet smile that screams I LOVE YOU!!!
If only you really knew how I felt about you.
I am tired of holding this back. Yes,you know I love you, but there's more to it than just that.

I'm ready.

I am ready to call you my own.
I am ready to go beyond being just a boo or babe.
Although I haven't made this type of commitment in years, I believe now is the time.

I was once too easily distracted, but now I'm focused and ready for what the future has in store.
I once had past ugly emotions that I was still harboring and until I was free of them, all of my relationships would suffer.
I was once living in my past rather than in the present. My life was just passing me by, but now I have a new grasp on life, and it is much sweeter than before.

I'm ready for a new start with a great person......
and perhaps that great person might just be YOU!!