A Jewel

You have become a stranger to me.
I lost that strong connection I thought I had with you.
I used to get butterflies and goose bumps at just the sight of you, but now nothing.
I used to think at one time I could call you mine, but now you have been taunted with.
You have been touched too many times.
I do not necessarily mean physically, but you have allowed too many to touch your mind and heart.
I thought it was special and something extraordinary, but I could not have been more wrong.
I am sorry for your lost.
Your lost of a jewel, of something that was rare, and something I doubt you will ever find again.
Again I am sorry.

About Me

I find myself desiring to be with you.
Every time I hear this distinct sound I hear you.
Every time I hear a specific song I can’t help but to think of you.
I’ve tried to forget your smile and how it feels to be in your embrace, but I just can’t.
It is embedded into my heart, mind, and skin.
Being in this place again is a bit hard for me because it holds so many memories of us and our beginning.
But I’m constantly reminded of our ending.
I wish things had gone better, but I just had to get out.
I had to get out for me.
And for once it wasn’t about you, but about me.

Just Thinking

You got me thinking will it ever be?
Will there ever be a chance for us in this lifetime
I’m tired of broken promises
I’m tired of getting mixed signals from you
If you say something I only have to believe you, hoping that you wouldn’t intentionally lie to me.
I’m sorry I can’t be there with you at all times but hopefully it’s not all or nothing with you.
I’ve done all I am willing to do, and now its time for you to do your job and also do what the word says.
I am lady and if you can’t or won’t treat me as such, then that’s your loss.

In Spite Of....

You may not have known what I was doing liking a guy like him.
Yes he had his problems, issues, and baggage, but yet I was willing to look past it, because who doesn’t have all of that.
I saw in him the person he really was, beyond all the hurt and pain people have caused him.
I saw a loving person and all he needed was someone to show him true love, not just true lust.
Someone to love him in spite of
In spite of the way he may look in the morning or how bad his breathe may smell.

Someone to see the beauty in his feet, in spite of the way he may feel about them.
Someone that’s there for the well being of his heart, mind, and spirit, and not all about his body
Someone to still see the beauty beyond maybe him needing a haircut and him wearing his sweats and a tee shirt.
Someone to see beyond what the eyes can actually see, but into him, to look through his eyes into his soul.

A NEW DIRECTION

I needed to know if he really loved me
If it was real and true
Or was it all lies and just something to do
I loved the fact that I thought I could make him smile when he wasn’t feeling good and the feeling I felt that I was being loyal and faithful to him.
But could I honestly say that about him?
I don’t know.
I don’t like the feeling of being insecure with what I’m feeling about a person.
That feeling of being unsure and confused
When someone is closed all up not allowing you to get into their mind, because their afraid of being hurt again

So I tried to make myself available.
I tried to show him with my actions, rather than just my words, that I was there, through it all I was there.
But when it was all said and done, I never stopped being there, he just closed the door on me.

He never really let me in anyways but me being the person I am, I found another route.
Just not the route I wanted to take.
On the journey, I found some things that I wasn’t looking for and it kind of sent me on a whole new path.
I had to learn that it wasn’t a rejection, it was just a new direction.
A new direction to bigger and better things, things that were good for my heart, mind, and spirit.
I had to learn that we aren’t really living for today, we are living for tomorrow and our future.
So the little things that were irritating me were just not worth it and I have to live for me and I must be happy with me and my daily decisions.

A LESSON LEARNED

It hurt me that you never tried to stop me.
That you just let me walk right out the door.
I was hurt from your reaction that you didn’t even try to fuss or fight.
It made me think all of it was just a lie.
Or were you saying what you thought I wanted to hear.
Unfortunately, I wasn’t playing the same game you were, I had put the cards down and didn’t want to play anymore I wanted the real thing.
I wanted to have a connection with you.
A connection no one or nothing could break.

But my expectations were too high.
I was reaching for the stars, but you still wanted to reach for what your hands could touch.
I wanted more.
I know I can be a little spoiled at times and want things to go my way, but I adapted.
I adapted to your ways.
I adapted to your time.
I adapted to your schedule.
And yes I knew I couldn’t have all the time, energy, and affection I wanted and needed, but I adapted.
I ADAPTED.

But unfortunately, you didn’t.
You didn’t meet me half way.
You kept doing the same old things you used to do and that’s when things became a problem.
I only have so much to give before I feel all used up.
If I’m giving and pouring into someone else and no one is pouring into me, what then will I have to survive on?
Nothing, I would be empty.

Sometimes we have to go through difficult things to learn our lesson, but if only someone could have told me this and spared me a heart break I would have learned it all the same.

I will never regret anything or any time spent because it was a lesson learned.

Season

I was all that I could have been
I did all I thought I could do
But it wasn’t enough for you
You wanted me, everything, and everyone else.
But unfortunately life doesn’t work that way.
I guess maybe one day you will wake up and realize what you had was just perfect for you.
Maybe one day you will realize that now you are settling for less than the best.
But you probably won’t realize that until it’s too late.
It will be too late for you to try to steal me away because I will have already been swept off my feet, by the man God intended for me to be with, not saying that it couldn’t have been you, but unfortunately that season has past.

Intimacy

How many have you permitted to step in and know that intimate side of you?
Can you count them on one hand or do you need all ten fingers and 10 toes?

Have you ever made someone a priority when all you were to them was an option?
When you put your everything into them. You poured your energy, time, love, strength, and you were patient enough to wait.

But what happens when you’re tired of being patient and you’re ready to throw in the towel. Do you ask God to renew your strength or know when its time to walk away?
I will never know what you never tell me because I’m not a mind reader. If you don’t share what is on your heart and mind, that is the only place it will remain and we will then have a lack of communication.

Some may call me hard to get, but I promise it is not a game. I am a challenge and I take pride in being that way. You may not like it but you will respect it. If it was easy, after you received what you thought you wanted and was looking for, you would then become uninterested because that was only an instant gratification. But if you haven’t come to learn I am in for the long run, even if it is just a friendship.

But a friendship is the foundation to the best relationship between any man and woman. So you can become my best friend and allow me to enter into your mind and heart revealing all of your most inner secrets and thoughts.