Afraid

I wrote you a letter today but I was afraid to send it you.
Afraid that you would reject me.
Afraid that you would laugh at the way I felt for you.

So I kept it.
I kept it hidden.
Hidden away from everyone, including myself.
I didn’t want to see it, afraid I would come to the realization it was all a lie.

That it was a lie the feelings I had for you.
And maybe I was just lonely and thought you would be good.
But I was wrong.
I was wrong about you.

I Wanted to Be Closer to Nature.

I wanted to be closer to nature.
So I slept outside today.
I wanted to hear the crickets make their melodious sounds.
To see the squirrels run up and down the trees.
I wanted to feel the breeze against my skin.

I wanted to be closer to nature.
I wanted to hear the birds sing.
And to watch the trees sway from the wind.
I wanted to be closer to nature.
So I slept outside today.

A LADY

A Lady

A lady is someone who carries herself with dignity, poise, and self-confidence.
When you see a lady she will not compromise her worth.
She is able to do what must be done with elegance and grace.
When she walks in the room, you stand to greet her in all due respect, which is something she demands as she walks through the door.

A Lady

You can’t seem to take your eyes off her, for she has a radiant beauty that captures all of your attention.
She knows all too well the affect she has on a man.
She knows what she has the ability to do, for she holds you in the palm of her hand.
But she uses her femininity for good and not evil purposes.
But don’t be fooled she still is a woman.
And as you know a woman can change at any moment.

A Lady

I Was Tired

I fell asleep early last night not because I was sleepy but because my mind was tired of thinking about you.
Thinking what in the world you could be doing when we’re not together.
Wondering if you think about me as much as I think about you.
I was tired.
I was tired of the way my heart would pound at just the mere thought of you.
I was tired of the emptiness I felt because you weren’t there.
I was tired.
I was tired of being neglected, abandoned, and discarded.
I was tired of feeling sick to my stomach because I was sick from love.
………………Or was it that I was sick of love???

This one is where I am at in the moment, because of all that is happening and not happening.

We need to do better....

The Unveiling Mask

I’m hiding behind it and with it, I feel safe and in control.
But it is when I take this mask off that I feel fear take over.
The fear that I can’t conquer all that stands in my way.
The fear that that won’t allow me to love in the manner of which I know I am capable of.

For you see I am afraid of what the future may hold for me.
I don’t want to put my heart out on the line just for it to be stepped on and hurt.
I know you wouldn’t intentionally hurt me, but right now I’m not ready to take my chances.

I can give you a piece of my mind, but only if you promise not to corrupt it.
For it is just as precious as my heart.
It is open to new things, so pour knowledge, wisdom, and understanding into it, making me a better woman.

I'M FREE......

I’m free.

Free from slavery and free from “the man”. I’m not physically bond, shackled, or in distress. I’m free from the hands of the enemy. But am I completely free??? Sometimes I think not. My heart is so guarded and not free to love. But I guess that’s a good thing. Every man that I meet won’t be able to share that intimate space with me without a challenge. To find their way to my heart, they will have to first seek God, because that is where my heart will be.

Before You

You’ve changed the way I look at love.
I began looking at it through the eyes of someone inexperienced.
Someone who was ignorant on the subject.
Someone who was always afraid of allowing someone to love her unconditionally.
Before you I had seen many incidents where I thought love was involved and seen only the hardships and the battles, never really knowing what the end result of those would be because that’s where it always ended; in a lost of what people called “love”.

I used to didn’t want to be loved if I had to be left alone, crying myself to sleep every night.
I didn’t want to be loved if you showed your love to me by raising voice or your fist at me.
I didn’t want to be loved if I had to make up an excuse of why I had bruises on my face.
Before you, I didn’t want to be loved.

But when you came into my life you changed everything around.
You made me feel like a lady and if I was needed in your life.
You didn’t make me feel like I was just a tool that you could pull out whenever needed or wanted.
You made me feel like your Queen.

My "Dre"

I miss the way things used to be.
When we used to talk for hours, mostly about nothing.
When I could say I truly knew you.
You’ve changed so much and I don’t feel as if I had anything to do with that change.
As if you’ve distanced yourself away from me.

Once upon a time I loved you and everyone knew it.
It was the way my face lit up when you entered the room, and that hug you gave that sent chills up and down my spine.

You said we would always be friends, but at that time I didn’t just want to be your friend.
I wanted to be more.
I wanted to be your Sid cause you were my Dre.

I WONDERED

I watched as the cars drove by.
Wondering if they could see me.
Wondering if someone out there was thinking about me.
Praying for me.
Worrying about me.
Searching for me.

I wondered.

I watched as the cars drove by while I sat in that tree.
Afraid that was the only place I could be myself.
Afraid that if I ever came down no one could or would understand me.

I wondered.

You put me up in the tree for that was our thing.
You always made sure I felt safe.
You made sure I never got hurt.
You made sure you were always at the bottom to catch me.
You made sure you were always there.

And so I wondered

That tree was cut down, but thankfully the bond we had grown wasn’t cut down with it.
Instead it blossomed into an unconditional love.
And now I no longer have to wonder, for now I’m convinced that you will always be there.